the aunt

so the other night we're heading home from family dinner and we're talking about how wonderful it is that my brother has a kfc opposite his new house.

the aunt: kfc?? who wants to eat kfc?!

us: we do?

the aunt (nose-in-the-air): the only burger i would willingly eat is the mushroom swiss!

the brother: did you know that the mushroom swiss is unique to singapore? the burger kings in the US don't have it.

me: that's strange! why would they have it here then? it's not exactly a very asian burger...

the aunt (imperiously): because I'M here!

me (meekly): yes yeema...


remember, of course, that this is my little old lady aunt once immortalised in the limerick:

my venerable aunt

my venerable aunt is what you'd call kooky
she came to dinner and went quite balooney

i walked in the door and the first thing i did
was to bend over and ruffle my dear silly Remy.
then i looked up at her and she looked back at me
over the top of her pince-nez and said imperiously
"You may call me now".

over dinner as usual we turned on the tv
and watched the cabinet's swearing-in ceremony
she let one minister walk on oblivious
to her scrutiny then declared gleefully
"He's wearing a wig!"

then came the president and his little wifey
did i say little? they're actually quite tubby
a nugget of info from a past interview surfaced
in her mind and she nodded knowingly
"Too many kuehs."

turning to her left she saw a strange sight
of my bunny stretched along the wall luxuriously
something about that didn't register quite right
with her economic cook mind so she glared disapprovingly
"Why hasn't he been chopped into 3 parts and consumed??"

up came the topic of tur kwa again
now she's scared of mee pok men apparently
cos the other day she forgot to say takeaway
and the grumpy old man scolded her soundly
"From now on only fine dining for me!"

to round it off we had some mango, pears and grapes
all of which she refused resolutely
so she cld finish her own at home before thursday
she cld just give 'em away and be neighbourly
but no, said she, sniffing disdainfully
"I am not on fruit-exchanging terms with my neighbours!"

so there you have my venerable aunt who's kooky
and yet still an endearing lil old lady.

(it ain't perfect but it's just for my self-amusement anyway)